Anchor Down
by McShipper
Summary: 'You can anchor down your feet and say, F*ck the past and everyone who dragged you here.' Jay get's some advice that helps him with the overwhelming feelings he has. An angsty Multi-Chap CPD/Linstead story about their pasts and how it affects all the relationships in their lives. Rated T/May be rated M later. :o
1. Anchor Down

**New story time! I'm very excited for this story. I will be using music as titles this time instead of incorporating them into the writing (it's really hard to do). The title of the story, Anchor Down, is the title of a Real Friends song, and it will pertain to other parts of the story. I recommend listening to all of the songs; they will all have some bearing to the chapter in some way. You can interpret it however you'd like. I would really like to thank Brookesdavis for letting me use her as inspiration and letting me spring board off a few of her ideas! Go read her stuff, it's amazing! The timelines in this story are a little off. It's winter time and Ruzek/Wendy are still together and so are Erin/Kelly. This is a Jay centered story and will eventually be a linstead fic.  
I do not own any of these characters or bands/lyrics etc etc etc. **

**You get the point. I hope you guys enjoy the new story. :3 **

~ 'I don't really think that I'm ready for another Chicago winter,

so you can stop making my bones feel cold.' ~

Jay Halstead walks out of the 21st Prescient and the frigid Chicago wind slaps him in the face. He lets out a clouded breath, relieved that his day is finally over. For a Thursday it had been hellishly busy and his cheek still ached from where a dead beat had elbowed him during an arrest. Despite the below zero temperatures, Jay decides to walk over to Molly's, leaving his car in the lot. It's not like he won't be back here first thing in the morning.

It always amazes him how beautiful the city is at night. That's why he stays here, because despite the shit and the violence that they have to deal with, Chicago is still the most beautiful city to live in. Half way through his walk over to Molly's he hears a car slow behind him. He cranes his neck and see's Erin's car. He overheard Erin's conversation with her boyfriend, who Jay just refers to as 'the fireman', so he knows that Erin is headed to the same place. He lets out a sigh but walks over to her open window anyways.

"Get in, Loser." Erin states, giving Jay a smirk. The smirk that always makes his stomach flip flop.

Not wanting to fight with her about walking, Jay sighs as he opens the door and gets in. The warmth of the car feels good, but he would really rather be back out in the cold than have to be in close proximity to Erin. He mutters a 'Thanks' and she starts talking about how she can't wait for the week to be over.

As they pull in to the Molly's parking lot, Jay makes casual conversation and asks Erin her weekend plans.

"Nothing too relaxing," She says as they get out of the car and start walking towards the bar, "Going apartment hunting with Kelly." She shrugs her shoulders, clearly not excited about it but definitely not having any reservations about the idea either.

Jay stops in his tracks, feeling like he's taken a punch straight to the gut.

Erin makes it to the door before she realizes that Jay is several paces behind her. "Are you coming? Or-" She asks with a confused look on her face.

"Yeah, I just need a minute. You go on ahead, have fun." He manages, despite feeling like the wind has been knocked out of him.

She holds his gaze for a moment before nodding and heading inside.

Once the door shuts behind Erin, he lets out a hard breath. Frustrated, he runs his hands over his face and lets out a groan. He leans against the hard brick of the building for a moment, composing himself before grabbing the handle of the heavy door and heading inside.

The first thing he hears as the door shuts behind him is the sound of Erin's laughter. It's a compelling sound and he is drawn to it. He try's his best not to let his eyes find her, but he loses his internal battle as his eyes settle on Erin who is sitting close to her boyfriend. Her hand is resting on his forearm. Her eyes bright and her dimples popping every time he makes her smile. She looks genuinely happy.

And he, he was broken. Watching them broke him. With a sigh he turns toward the bar and raps his knuckles on the wood, grabbing Gabby Dawson's attention, drawing her away from her conversation with her serious boyfriend, Matt Casey. Seeing Gabby and Matt together made Jay happy, even though he and Gabby had a thing in the past. Everyone who saw her and Casey knew that they were meant to be. He gives her a weak smile as an apology.

"Wow Halstead, looking rough." She says, drying off a glass and throwing the towel over her shoulder. "Bad day?"

Jay closes his eyes and nods, "Yeah, I need a scotch." He says bluntly. "And the good shit too."

Gabby raises her eyebrows at his tone, but reaches for the top shelf scotch anyways and pours him two fingers before sliding the glass in front of him.

"I'm sorry, Thanks." He says, his eyes drawn back over to Erin who had moved even closer to Kelly. They were huddled in an intimate conversation. Just thinking of what they could be talking about made Jay's stomach wobble. He turns back towards the bar rolling his eyes and taking a large gulp of his drink.

"Still torn up over Lindsay?" Gabby asks, already knowing the answer. She knew how it felt to be hopelessly in love with someone who was otherwise spoken for. She definitely felt for Jay.

He finishes the rest of his scotch and licks his lips before locking eyes with Dawson. "Yeah, is it that obvious?" he asks, genuinely curious.

"Yep," She says, refilling his glass. "Sorry buddy, it's totally obvious. But hey, look at Matt and I. You never know what can happen, so don't lose all hope." She says, smacking his bicep and moving back down the bar to help the other patrons.

He chews on that thought for a moment as he takes a sip of his drink before glancing back over his shoulder again.

"You have to stop coming here when you know they're together." He hears a voice next to his head, startling him. He spins around in his seat to see Kim Burgess giving him a weak smile as she takes off her leather coat revealing a hoodie underneath it. She takes the seat next to him. "Trust me." She says with a scoff.

Jay knew there was something going on between Kim and Adam Ruzek. He just didn't know what had happened being that Adam is engaged to someone who is _not_ Kim. He remembered the look of heartbreak the other day as Ruzek pulled out his save the date invitations and showed them off to everyone in the unit, including Kim. How she kept her composure, Jay wasn't sure. He definitely knew that he wouldn't have had much grace if he was put in the same position with Erin. He sets his jaw as he hears Erin's laugh travel through the small bar.

"You want some advice?" Kim asks, nursing the beer she has in her hand. Honestly Jay wanted to be drunk out of his mind, to not have to picture Lindsay with another guy every time he closed his eyes.

"Sure," Jay mutters hesitantly, but listens anyway as he works on his third scotch.

"Go to the bathroom, splash some cold water on your face, and tell yourself three times that she was never yours to begin with."

* * *

To his surprise, Jay's feet carry him to the bathroom. He is feeling desperate, so he does it. Kim's overly romanticized, clichéd advice actually works too. He finds himself staring into his own reflection. He sees the bags under his eyes, the overgrown stubble on his jaw, the bruise forming under his eye, and his heart sunk. Not only did he feel broken, but he looked it too. His hands grip the sink, knuckles white as he looks straight at his own reflection and says it one more time. She was never his, and it was ridiculous for him to think she ever was or ever could be.

He throws one last splash of water on his face for good measure. He leaves the bathroom and walks with his head held a little higher. He stands at the back of the bar and observes how much the bar had cleared out in the past few minutes. While he was in the bathroom, Ruzek and his fiancé had came in and grabbed a table that was situated very close to the bar. Kim is still sitting at the bar, looking very uncomfortable. Not just uncomfortable, Jay thinks as he watches her concentrating hard on her beer, she looks _lost_.

He almost glides across the bar, back to his seat. Kim turns and her eyes are glassy as she gives him a weak, "So?"

Instead of answering her, he puts both hands on the sides of her face and kisses her, intensely.

After a moment he pulls back and throws a fifty on the bar. "You wanna get out of here?" Jay asks her.

Kim is still taken aback but she nods and they both slide their coats on. As Jay leads her out of the bar he can feel several stares burning into his back and he decides to ignore them.

* * *

"Can you drive?" He asks Kim once they are outside.

She gives him another nod, and they make their way to her car. Once they are inside Kim blasts the heat and pulls onto the main road. She keeps glancing over at him every few seconds.

"So," She says, giving him a puzzled look, "Wanna tell me what that was about?"

Jay is quiet for a minute as he watches the snow hit the windshield and melt against it. His mind is fogged from the alcohol and the windshield wipers almost seem to hypnotize him.

Finally he looks at her, "I just thought they deserved a little bit of heartache too," He says truthfully.

She gives him a small smile and pats his knee. He stares out into the night, watching the snow dance in the beams of the headlights.

They drive for a few moments before Kim looks at him again, "Thank you." She murmurs. He nods before he leans his head against the cold glass of the window. His cloudy mind is still transfixed by the moving wipers, his eyelids grow heavy, and soon enough they lull him into the darkness.

* * *

The next day, they wrap up their work for the week and are relieved of their duties by a preoccupied Voight. Jay, Kevin Atwater, Erin, and Kim are all in the locker room, putting away their guns and badges and grabbing their winter gear, preparing to go out into the frigid temperatures and make their way home for the weekend. Erin is casually chatting with Kevin about the case that they had just wrapped up. Kim is bundled up and ready first which is made obvious as snaps her lock onto her locker and makes her way toward the door. Jay grabs something from his locker and then locks his up as well.

"Kim," he calls out getting her to stop so he can catch up to her, "You left this at my place last night. Didn't want you to get cold." Jay says, handing her the sweatshirt she was wearing the night before and following her out of the door.

Erin hears a clatter and looks at the ground to see her badge, which had just been in her hand. She looks back to the door and stands there with her mouth hanging open.

"Did I just hear what I think I heard?" Ruzek says with a hint of anger in his voice, as he enters the locker room.

Erin doesn't have the power to answer him. She just stands there shocked with her mouth hanging open, feeling as if she had been punched in the gut.

**A/N: I DUNNO, did you guys like it? Sorry for any typos/mistakes it's really late and I did this in one runthrough. I really would like to hear reviews and stuff on this. I'm really excited about this story and I hope you guys are too. I have a lot planned. Hehehe. **


	2. Poison

**A/N: Okay once again it is really late so please forgive me for any errors or mistakes, I will fix them when I'm not so tired. I also want to apologize for the loooong wait. I'm sorry, school started and I have also been working on a really big Chicago pd/Chicago Fire fan video, which you can search hiatus hangover on youtube, go to my channel, and Look for a video named "This is war", it's really good i promise, i put blood sweat and tears into it. **

**Anyways, The song of the chapter is 'Poison,' by Front Porch Step, it's an amazing song, so please listen to it, its one of my favorites. I made this chapter pretty long, so I hope you guys enjoy it and where I take it. Also mad thanks to Brookesdavis again for letting me use her as inspiration/using some of her work in my story. She's amazing so please go read her stuff, she's my favorite. Okay once again, I do not own any of these characters, also sorry for the bad language. ENJOYYYY. **

_~'The voice that once became the light unto my dark,_

_Soon became your tool to break my heart.'~_

Jay and Kim walk out of the building together. The winter air hits them and Kim pulls her coat tighter around herself. "Do you think it worked?" She asks Jay.

"Yeah," he takes a deep breath as he pulls his beanie over his head. "I think it did."

"Hey," Kim says, elbowing Jay in the arm, "You're a really good friend. Thank you for doing this." She smiles at him as they arrive at her car.

Jay gives her a sad smile in recognition, "Have a good weekend." He says sincerely before stuffing his hands in his pockets and heading towards his own car.

He doesn't want to think about it, about his feelings for Erin, but they seem to consume his mind. As he unlocks his door his eye catches his gym bag in the back seat and he knows exactly where he needs to go to clear his head.

* * *

Jay pummels the punching bag for over an hour. Using his fists to release all the pent up emotions he's been fighting with for way too long. He uses it to wipe away the mental pictures of her, especially the ones of her in another man's arms. He uses it until he doesn't feel like climbing into a bottle. He beats up the bag until he can't catch his breath.

He grabs his water bottle and takes a long drink before walking over to the window; the window that looks over the entire city. Night time in Chicago always calms him, and only helps to clear his head. Once his heart rate returns to normal, he decides that his head is clear enough to head home for the night. He doesn't risk going to Molly's because that would only rev him up again and his week has already been tough enough.

He unwraps the tape on his knuckles and shoves his stuff into his bag before heading back out into the bitter Chicago night.

* * *

Once Jay gets home, he turns on the Bruins game before heading to his kitchen. He's not hungry enough to eat, but he pulls out the scotch, pours himself a double, and downs it in two gulps. He fills the glass again and wanders into his living room. Jay mindlessly works on his second double scotch and by the time his glass is empty, he feels the toll of the week catching up with him. He's too physically and emotionally exhausted to care about the outcome of the hockey game so he abandons it and heads to his bedroom.

He collapses onto his bed and pulls the comforter over his head before he falls into a deep, blissfully dreamless sleep.

* * *

Several hours later he is jolted awake by banging on his door. Not knocks, but frenzied, angry banging. He rolls over onto his side and opens one eye to check the time. When the clock reads 1:41am he lets out a groan before throwing the comforter off of himself and shuffling over to the door. He unlocks the door as he rubs his tired eyes and opens it to find his infuriated partner on the other side.

Jay confusedly looks at her before speaking, "Erin, what-,"

She interrupts him, "You _fucked _Kim?" She yells and they are both silent as it echoes through the quiet hallway.

"Jesus, Erin!" Jay whisper- yells. He grabs her arm and pulls her into his apartment, closing the door behind them.

"You fucked her. Kim is one of my best friends!" She says, her voice straining to contain her anger. Her eyes are hard and angry. Jay knows the color that her eyes turn when she's truly upset, and it was the stormy grey that he was seeing in her them now. He knew he had to try and defuse the situation before she got too angry.

"Erin, you need to calm down," he says quietly. He sits on the arm of his couch and watches her pace back and forth in front of him.

"Why would you sleep with her?!" She asks angrily before letting out an exasperated sigh. "Can you put some damn clothes on!" She demands and motions towards his boxers.

"You're the one that got me out of bed, so no" Jay looks at her for a moment, studying her features. "Are you _drunk_?" he asks, almost wanting to be amused.

"Answer the question!" Erin clenches her teeth in anger and her gravelly voice drops to a lower octave.

Jay looks at his wrist, pretending there is a watch there, "Last time I checked, my sex life is none of your business."

Jay watches a look of hurt cross Erin's face before it is replaced with anger.

She takes a deep breath and tries to maintain her composure. "Why Kim, Jay? Why?" She asks desperately.

"Erin," Jay sighs and runs a hand over his face feeling the effects of the scotch that he'd drank on an empty stomach cloud his thought process. "I didn't sleep with her." He says softly. He sees the relief wash over Erin and he takes a deep breath, "Why would I sleep with Kim, when I feel the way I do about you? I never wanted to 'keep it professional' because we're not, we are more than partners and you know it. I never wanted to watch as another man puts his hands on you, because they should be my hands. But you never gave this," He motions between them, " a chance. It breaks my heart every time I have to look at you. Because I'm in love with you. " He regrets the words as they cross his lips.

Erin's mouth hangs open in shock and a incomprehensible noise leaves her throat. Before either of them realizes what is happening, he feels the sting of her hand against his cheek and the echo of the slap rings through his apartment.

Jay grabs his burning cheek, "What the fuck was that for?" he bellows.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" She says, her voice becoming shrill. Her lip is snarled and her face screams 'are you fucking kidding me', but Jay looks at her eyes, which had softened considerably.

"I'm sorry. " He mutters because it's the only thing that he can think to say.

"I just…" Erin starts to shake her head, her face still painted with a mix of anger and disbelief, "I just don't understand. Why would you say that? Why now?"

" I don't know." He says in a barely audible tone.

"You get that I'm happy right? Severide makes me happy." she says, clearly annoyed. It wasn't anything he hadn't heard before, but it felt like a punch in the chest. "And I have been through a whole hell of a lot. I deserve to be happy!" Jay's heart clenches under the force of her words.

"I know," He's flustered and not sure what to say to take back the words that had stumbled out of his mouth. "You deserve to be happy." He says softly, "That's all I want."

"So why now?" She asks exasperated. "Where the hell was all of these two months ago? Why would you not tell me until right now?" She desperately wanted an answer.

"I'm an idiot." He mutters, because his idiocy is the only thing filling his brain.

"Yeah, tonight you are being an idiot" She says, poking a finger into his chest. "What the hell am I suppose to do with this?" Jay takes her question rhetorically but as he looks at her he sees that Erin is waiting, urgently wanting an answer. She's looking at him pleading for some sense of direction. She wanted a reason as to why when she uttered the words 'Let's keep it professional', that he not only never told her a thing, but agreed with her.

"I'm sorry, I don't-"Jay says before he is cut off again, feeling timid and ashamed of his confession.

"Kelly is good for me," The words left Erin's mouth and Jay couldn't help but wonder if she was trying to convince him or herself. "He's a man you know, he knows what he wants and he takes it." She pauses and lets the words settle in Jay's head. "He doesn't wear the same black hoodie to work every day. And He doesn't beat up guys on the street for no reason. And he doesn't use sarcasm to hide his feelings. And doesn't infuriate Voight. And he hasn't been accused of murder, ever. "She spits the words at him, like venom, fully aware of their cruelty. She isn't trying to hurt Jay but her brain pulses against her skull, her inner voice screaming for reasons of why Kelly is a better man than Jay.

He feels his fuse shorten with every reason and he finally snaps, "So then why are you here Erin?"

She's taken aback by him shouting at her. She wasn't expecting Jay to push back. She steadies her face as he continues, "Well, Erin? Why are you here?" He asks in his pissed off tone.

"Because!" She nearly screams. Jay watches as she stands there silently, her bottom lip starting to quiver and her eyes blinking back tears. "Because," She says quieter this time and takes a deep breath trying to control her tears, "Because he's not you." Her voice breaks as the words leave her lips.

Jay feels the shock of her words wash over him and tried to steady himself. She was looking at him, desperately waiting for him to speak but he couldn't find any words.

"Because… I don't have to physically turn away when Kelly talks to another girl. Because I don't smell his cologne on my skin when I go to sleep, and feel safe because of it. And a look from him doesn't make my knees weak. And because he doesn't own nice suits." The last reason had Jay suppressing the smile that was tugging at his lips. "Because he's not you, he's not you and I hate that."

The fury was still bubbling inside her. She wanted to punch Jay and scream in his face for making her feel this way. She wanted assurance that she wasn't a horrible person for admitting that she didn't have feelings for her current boyfriend. She wanted forgiveness for what she was about to do.

Erin moves closer to Jay, eliminating the space between them. They are a breath apart and they both stand there silently, waiting for it to happen. Finally, Erin crashes her lips into his. Fireworks explode in her brain, confirming everything that she had just said to Jay; Kelly can't even compare to the feelings she has built up for Jay. His hand travels to the back of her neck, holding her where she is as he deepens the kiss. She runs her hands up his back and into his hair, gripping it like she would fall to her death if she let go.

She whimpers as Jay breaks the kiss. He rests his forehead against hers as they both fight to catch their breath. He moves his hands up to cup her face and uses his thumbs to wipe the tears that Erin didn't even know were falling from her eyes. This time Jay goes in for the kiss, pulling her tight against his body, trying using his lips to communicate the intensity of his feelings for her; feelings he's been pushing down for months and months. Erin welcomes the feel of Jay's lips against hers. She revels in the taste of him; and the fact that fireworks explode inside her when their lips touch.

The heat in the room intensifies dramatically, and Erin's brain hits the breaks, pulling her lips away from Jay's. He is taken aback by the abrupt halt to their pretty mind-blowing kiss.

He watches her confused as her hands run through her hair and a look of tremendous fear crosses her face. "What am I doing?" She says to herself, frantic and distraught.

"I can't do this-"She mutters, the guilty part of her conscious taking over. "I have to go…"

Jay watches in horror as she looks at him with her eyes screaming for him to say something to get her to stay. But he can't recover fast enough and Erin walks out of his door, leaving him standing there baffled, confused, and heartbroken at 2 in the morning.

* * *

By Monday morning, Jay is no longer baffled or confused; he's just angry; Angry in a way that if anyone messed with him today, he'd break their fucking knees. He's angry because despite Erin basically telling him that she wanted him too, she still considered him a mistake. She deserves to be happy? Yeah so does he. He's mad because they both know how they feel about each other and how amazing they could be together but Erin won't let her guard down enough to let him in. Despite them being partners, best friends, and almost lovers, she still couldn't let him all the way in.

When Erin walks into the unit, Jay gets up from his desk and heads into the break room. After a sleepless weekend, he needs all the caffeine he can get. He sighs when he hears the door of the break room click closed.

Erin's voice comes out soft, "Jay, can we-"

"Don't." He orders harshly, his back still turned away from her.

"Don't what?" She asks quietly.

Her turns on her, "Don't say it, ok? Don't say that it was a mistake, because I don't want to hear it."

"I-"

"Erin, just don't. I'm done playing these games with you. You know how I feel, if you don't know how you feel you need to leave me the fuck out of it. Because I'm tired of hearing how I'm a mistake and how I'm not fucking good enough for you. I'm done, Erin." He throws the door open hard enough to hit bang against the wall.

Erin stands there trying to fight the tears threatening to fall from her eyes. She wanted to speak, she wanted to tell him that she chose him. She wanted to tell him those twenty minutes after she left his apartment she was at Kelly's door, breaking up with him. But she couldn't speak. She couldn't think. She wanted desperately to tell him how she loved him to. But instead she stood there, trying to catch her breath.

They sat at their respective desks. Erin kept trying to get his attention, to hold his glance, but he vehemently avoided her.

About mid-day Voight speaks up, "Listen up, there's been a brutal murder down in Hyde park. Lindsay take Halstead, Ruzek you're with Olinsky. I'm going to run a lead that I have with the Russian mob and I will meet you at the scene.

"Actually," Jay spoke up, "Can I take Ruzek today?" Erin snaps her head up at his request. Voight crosses his arms, squinting his eyes at Jay for a moment. "Sure, whatever. You're all going to the same place anyways." Voight says, throwing on his leather coat and leaving the unit.

Erin sits at her desk hurt, as she watches the bromance that is Halstead and Ruzek whenever they are partnered.

She stands up sliding her gun into her holster and angrily snatches her jacket from the back of her chair. She strides around them and out of the unit, making sure to bump against Jay's shoulder on her way out.

Once they are at the scene, Halstead and Ruzek take the perimeter, and Lindsay and Olinsky are stuck with the body, documenting with pictures and collecting evidence right around the bloody corpse. Erin is bagging a piece of evidence when she catches something from the corner of her eye.

"Halstead!" She yells, nodding her head over to where she's standing, about 8 feet from the body, where the bloody drag marks start. "JAY!" She demands when he doesn't listen.

"What?" He snaps, a little harsher than her meant to.

Erin points and starts walking over to her. She talks softer this time, "Jay, look." She says, her voice shaking slightly with a mixture of worry and fear.

What Jay see's when he gets to Erin stops him cold in his tracks and makes him instantly want to vomit. Things just got a lot more complicated than a broken heart. Jay stares down at sight that almost mirrored a very unpleasant one from his past. Erin looks at him with worry in her eyes.

"Son of a bitch," He murmurs, completely shocked by the sight in front of him.

There on the asphalt written in blood was '_51163'_; Jay's badge number.

**A/N: DuN DUN DUN. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and I hope it makes up for the delay. Again sorry for any mistakes. PLEASE COMMENT and let me know if/how you like the story so far?! Please it's like a drug, I needs it. It also will make me update sooner! **


	3. I'll Take Everything

**A/N: Okay I know this took forever to get up, I apologize. For those of you who don't know I have severly painful chronic illnesses so between school, viding, and writing on top of being in pain, I can't always get things out in a timely manner. If you check my YouTube I have a few new CPD videos out.**

**The song for this chapter is 'Ill take everything' by James Blunt. It's actually from a really amazing episode of Law and Order SVU, idk why I just fell in love with it. It doesn't necessarily mean anything to the story I just listened to it on repeat while writing bc I love it. I hope you guys do too. **

~Oo these feet carry me far. Oh my body. Oh so tired. Mouth is dry. Hardly speak.

Holy Spirit rise in me.~

Jay's feet slam against the wet pavement as he runs his normal route down the Chicago River. The bitter wind whips around him and the cold, sharp rain stings his face but it helps distract him from the chaotic thoughts running through his head. They had found three bodies in the past two weeks, all with his badge number involved somehow.

He tried to wrap his head around who would be duplicating murders that haunted his past. His father had been a beat cop in Detroit for years; around Jay's seventh birthday, he was promoted to detective. That's when the murders started, involving his badge number. Gruesome murders, murders where the victims had been tortured, killed, and sometimes even dismembered. His father had caught the bastard doing them though. Jay shook his head not wanting to think about the case in which the killer had slipped up; the case that had changed everything forever.

He turns up his music louder wanting to drown out the gruesome pictures from his past. It's Saturday so he decides to put in an extra few miles, figuring he had the pent up energy to burn off. He circles around the river walk and then runs back to his usual ending spot that looked over the river and the Chicago skyline.

Even with the rain still falling steadily, Jay leans against the railing, trying to fill his burning lungs with air.

"Thirsty?" He hears a familiar raspy voice behind him.

He turns around, his hand clenching the cramp in his side. He takes deep breaths and scrunches his face as he looks at Erin.

"What are you doing here Erin?" He asks curtly.

"I thought you might be thirsty?" She says with a smile and a hopeful shrug. Jay looks at her with a stale, impassive face but reaches for the water bottle. Erin lets out a sigh, "I don't know Jay, I wanted to check on you. We found a third body with your badge number associated with it this week; I figured maybe that was eating you up a little bit. I'm worried about you. "

He takes a long swig of the water while he listens to her talk. He takes a deep breath and makes a sarcastic snort at the last line, "That's not your job, Erin."

"They hell it isn't!" Her voice rises as she moves closer to him, "I'm your partner, Jay. I'm your friend, or at least I used to be."

"Yeah, past tense. Please don't act like you've been my friend the past few months Erin, it's insulting." His harsh words slap her across the face and they stand there silently.

"Can we just talk this out please? Because I can't keep doing," she motions between them," This."

"We talked! We talked and you picked the fireman. We," He motions between them, mocking her, "Are done talking." Jay says heatedly, his voice firm.

"You don't know what you're talking about." Erin says her voice steady.

"Oh?" Jay says, sarcasm lacing his voice. He raises his eyebrows, impatiently waiting for Erin to respond.

"Yeah, you don't." Erin yells at him, his sarcasm officially pissing her off. "I broke up with Kelly two weeks ago." She lets out a frustrated breath, "SO no Jay, you don't know what you're talking about, because I picked _you_."

They both breathe heavily as Erin's words hang heavily between them. The rain picks up and it's the only thing that is louder than the breathing between them.

Jay hands Erin the now empty water bottle and takes a deep breath, "I…I gotta go." He says as he walks backward up the sidewalk.

"Jay!" Erin demands and runs a hand through her wet hair. She watches as he walks away, absolutely confused by his reaction.

But he just turns and flips his hood over his head. He takes off running again, having an entirely new set of confusing feelings clouding his brain.

* * *

"She What?!" Kim sits up straight on her couch and faces Jay. He had come over to see if Kim had any insight on what he should do about his predicament, and about his feelings.

He nods a few times and takes a pull of his beer.

"Did she tell you she loves you?" Kim asks, knowing that Erin is in fact in love with Jay, even if she isn't ready to admit it yet.

Jay shakes his head no, "She said that she broke up with Kelly and that she picked me." Jay groans and rubs his hand over his face. "What am I suppose to even do with this?"

"What's your reservation? The case involving your badge number?" Jay raises his eyebrows and Kim shrugs, "Word gets around."

"Well yeah," Jay says with a sigh, "I have no idea who is doing this and the last thing I need is Erin getting hurt because of me. "

"Hey, at least you know how she feels." Kim says, clapping him on the shoulder before pulling her knees up.

Jay gave Kim a sad smile. He knew that Kim was still torn as to Adams feelings for her. He could tell it was still eating away at his friend. Jay sighs, "Worst timing ever."

"Tell me about it." Kim scoffs and clinks her beer bottle with Jay's. They both sit there in silence for a while longer, wondering what the hell they should do about their respective predicaments.

* * *

Across town Erin sits criss-cross on Voights couch, nursing a scotch. Voight is talking about the letter he received from Justin, who is at basic training. He has an unusually excited tone to his voice but Erin zones out, thinking about the way that Jay had handled what she had told him this morning.

"Erin," Voight's gravelly voice pulls her from her thoughts. "You ok kid?"

"Huh?" She looks up at him, "Yeah, sorry. I zoned out, it's just been a long week."

"That's for sure." Voight says, kicking his feet up on his coffee table. "So what do you think about this case and Halstead's badge number being involved?"

"I think it's ridiculous that he is being targeted like this. It's really taking a toll on him. " She says, taking a mouthful of her scotch. She turns to look at Voight, whose face is passive.

The glass in her hand stops midway from her mouth, "You can't honestly think he's involved somehow."

Voight silently looks at Erin, raising his eyebrows and giving a small shrug.

Erin's face contorts in anger as she slams her glass on to the side table. "You've got to be kidding me! How long does he have to work for you before you stop accusing him of murder? How long does he have to be part of our team, of our _family_, before you trust him?"

"You believe one hundred percent that he isn't involved in this? You trust him?" Voight asks his tone gruff.

"Yes!" Erin shouts. "Not only is he part of our unit, but he's my partner, and one of my best friends. I trust him with my _life_." She says her gravelly voice rough and serious.

Voight throws his hands up, as if to justify his opinion. Erin quickly gulps down her drink before slamming it back onto the table.

She shakes her head disappointedly and scoffs, "I can't talk to you when you're like this. Eventually you're going to have to trust Halstead. He has never done anything to prove to you that your opinions of him are true and he has never failed to have my back. Until you can trust him, I don't think I can trust you." She snatches her leather jacket of the couch and walks out the door without looking back.

* * *

Erin is stepping out of the shower when she hears a knock on her front door. She lets out a frustrated groan and reaches for her towel. She makes her way through her apartment, tightly securing the towel around her still wet body.

Erin swings the door open and her heart rate immediately picks up seeing her partner on the other side. "Jay," she says, suddenly really self conscious that all she is wearing is a towel. "What are you doing here? I thought we were done?"

Jays mouth hangs agape a moment before he recovers from seeing the beauty that is Erin Lindsay dripping wet, in nothing but a towel.

"I uh," He runs his hand over the back of his neck. "I wanted to see if we could talk. If I could… apologize." He pulls out a bag from behind his back. It's from Erin's favorite Italian restaurant, that happens to make the best meatball subs in Illinois.

Erin's eyes soften along with her demeanor and she gives him a small smile. She backs up, allowing him entrance into her apartment.

"Let me go get dressed." She says and quickly scurries back to her room. Jay heads to the kitchen where he grabs two beers out of her fridge and some paper plates.

Erin walks back into the room as Jay is taking their subs out of the bag. Erins hair is in a messy bun and she had thrown on a black tshirt and a pair of baggy sweatpants. Jay gives her a small smile as she walks over to the table and sits down, drawing one of her knees up to her chest. "Thank you for going all the way across town for this." She says as he sets a plate with a large sub on it in front of her.

"No problem, you got me hooked on them. Plus I figured I owed you an apology." He says before he takes a large bite out of his sub.

"Mmm," Erin says with a mouthful of sandwich. "I owe you one too." She admits, after swallowing her food, the look in her eyes genuine.

Jay finishes his sandwich first and watches Erin enjoy the rest of hers as he works on his beer.

"That was so good. Great apology." Erin says once shes finished. She gathers up the trash and throws it in the garbage. As she walks back out she asks, "You want to go sit on the couch? We can talk." Jay nods and walks into the living room, smiling when he see's the beautiful night light of Chicago out of Erin's picture window.

Erin hooks her phone to her speakers and puts her spotify on shuffle letting music play softly.

"So. You want to tell me why you reacted like that this morning?" Erin asks as she takes her place beside Jay on the couch.

"I don't know, I have a lot on my mind and you came in and gave me a whole other set of things to process. It's a lot to deal with." He sighs, "Why didn't you tell me about breaking up with the fireman?"

Erin shrugs, "You said you were done, that you didn't want to talk anymore. I thought I had blown it, again." She says honestly, wishing that she had given them a fair chance in the first place.

"You haven't. My feelings are still the same." Jay says with a smirk.

They look at each other for a moment, you can almost hear the gears turning in both of their heads. Erin speaks first.

"Jay…" Erin says with a soft voice, "Will you tell me about this case? I know you know more than you're telling me." Jay's face hardens instantly and unintentionally as bad memories wash over him. "Please?" Erin asks, running her hand up his forearm.

"I don't know Erin, it has a lot to do with my past. I really don't want it to affect things." He says, fearing that she may not like what he tells her.

"It won't." She says, her voice firm. "I promise you it won't. You can't get rid of me that easily."

He lets out a sigh and then he tells her everything. The whole story. How his father was involved, how many women the killer killed, how it changed his life forever, how it drove his father into a bottle. He told her everything.

By the time Jay was done talking Erin had tears on her cheeks, and Jay's eyes were glassy with emotion.

She wipes the tears off her cheeks. "Jay…" Erin says empathetically, her hand reaching out to cradle his face. He leans into her touch, closing his eyes, letting his emotions wash over him.

He clears his throat. "What I don't understand, is who is doing _this_."

"They caught the original killer?" Erin asks, and Jay nods in response. "Are they sure that there wasn't more than one person involved?"

"None of the evidence pointed to that. This guy had it out for my father after a bad arrest." Jay groans and rubs his hands over his face. "I guess I can call over to his old precent and see if I can get my hands on the records?"

Erin nods, agreeing. "We'll do it first thing Monday. Don't worry; we're going to catch this guy." She comforts him, squeezing his knee.

"Erin…" Jay locks eyes with her. "I can't let this take another person I love. I can't." His voice is thick with emotion, tears threatening to spill over.

She shakes her head and crashes her lips into his; erasing his fears for the moment.

After a few minutes Erin pulls away and they both breathe heavily. She hops off the couch and stretches her hand out.

"Where are we going?" Jay asks, intrigued as he puts his hand in hers and follows her through the living room.

Erin plasters her signature grin on her face, flashing her dimples, "We're going to put a smile back on your face." She says and she leads him down the hallway to her bedroom.

* * *

Hours later Erin is startled awake by a bad feeling in her gut, the kind of feeling that she had always been taught to trust. Jay's arm lies protectively around her waist and he snores lightly. She smiles down at him, butterflies filling her stomach at the sight of him in her bed. Against her better judgment, she wiggles closer to Jay and starts to drift back off to sleep. She's almost asleep when loud banging suddenly jolts both her and Jay awake. Erin looks at the clock and grabs her robe off the chair near her bed, wrapping it around herself. "Who the hell is banging on my door at three in the morning?" She says, her voice still thick from sleep and confusion. Jay shakes his head as he pulls on his jeans, afraid that it could be Erin's ex or even Voight.

She walks out of the room purposefully, Jay right on her heals. Erin looks out the peephole, "Huh." She says, "No one is there." She swings the door open and then she gasps and jumps back , bumping into Jay's chest.

Jay runs out into the hallway, looking for anyone in the hall; there is no one there and it is eerily quiet. He walks back to Erin wraps his arms protectively around her. They both stand there shocked and shaken looking at Erin's door, where Jay's badge number is plastered in blood.

**A/N: Oooooo snappppp. Let me know how you guys liked this chapter. Again I'm sorry for any mistakes and for this taking so long. Please comment/review, tell me how much you love or hate it. Thank youuu for being patient with me, I love you guys. **


	4. Ghosts

**A/N: I AM SORRY. You all should pretty much expect weekly updates(give or take a few days) with these multi-fics, I'm actually thinking about putting 'Can't fight alone' on hiatus as well because I have several new story ideas that I'd like to focus on. I'm trying to keep my head above water with school and like I've said I suffer from severe chronic illnesses so I need to think of me first before writing. ALSO to the 'guest' who is going around leaving negative comments and rude messages to authors, go suck a dick. **

**I hope you guys will forgive me for any mistakes; I just wanted to get this out. I will fix anything I see later. The song in this chapter is Ghosts by On an On. It's a really great song, one of my favorites so give it a listen. I do not own any of the characters in this story, just the plot line. TW for Gore and foul language. **

'_There are spirits__  
__Coming to find me__  
__They're not stopping__  
__Until it's done__And I can feel them__  
__Taking me over'_

An hour and a half later Erin Is in her living room pacing as people whirl around her. She had pulled on some sweat pants and a cami before picking up her phone and calling Antonio. Now she stands there as she watches the CSI's take pictures and dust her door for prints. The sight of blood still marking her door makes her want to vomit. Not because it's blood, but because it's Jay's badge number. Every instinct she has is screaming at her to get a bucket of soapy water and scrub it off her door until her fingers bleed; as if that would somehow fix everything.

Jay is standing over by the door with Antonio, occasionally glancing over at a pacing Erin.

"So man, any insight you can give me on this?" Antonio says, looking to Jay.

"It's related to an old case of my dads, but that guy has been behind bars for a long time. Pulling my dad's old files on Monday," Jay pauses, "Apparently that isn't soon enough."

"So what where you doing here?" Antonio asks him, curiosity painted across his face as he opens his book to write his report.

"Huh?" Jay plays dumb, trying to cover his tracks. "Ah we were just watching the game." Antonio narrows his eyes and Jay rolls his eyes. "Don't get any ideas, tony." Antonio shrugs and writes notes down in his notebook.

Jay looks back over at Erin who looks exhausted. Granted they didn't exactly sleep much. His instincts are yelling at him to go over and comfort her, protect her, but he can't. Not with so many people here. He looks back at Antonio.

"Are we good?" Jay asks, trying not to let his impatience show.

Antonio taps his pen against the pad, "Yeah I think we're good." He says as he glances over his notes. "Oh," Antonio says after a beat, "Did you catch the final score?"

Jay sets his jaw and glares at Antonio, "4-2 Blackhawks. Nice try bro." Jay says with a laugh before he turns away from Antonio, whose attention was now focused on the tech working on the door.

"Hey" Jay says in a low voice, startling Erin, whose mind is running a thousand miles a minute. "You okay?" He asks, running his hands up and down her arms. She shakes her head in response.

"Your freezing," he murmurs, running his fingers over the goose bumps on her arms. He unzips his hoodie and puts it around her, zipping her into it. She automatically feels warmer, safer.

She shakes her head again, "I don't like this Jay." She says quietly, making eye contact with him, "I don't like this one bit."

He pulls her into a firm hug, "Everything is going to be okay." He whispers into her hair, not sure if he's trying to convince her or himself.

He drops a kiss onto her temple and just then he hears a voice that makes him cringe.

"Move out of my way," Voight's gravelly voice echoes through the hallway. Jay let's go of Erin and backs up, stuffing his hands in his pockets just as Voight shoves his way past one of the techs at the door.

"Are you okay?" He rushes up to Erin, squeezing her shoulder.

She shrugs off his hand. "I'm fine, sergeant." Erin says in a stiff voice, which makes Jays eyebrows shoot up.

"Okay, any idea why Halstead's badge number is on your door?" He asks, his tone sharp.

Erin shrugs, "Probably because he was here. Which means this case just got a lot more serious."

"Oh?" Voight asks, crossing his arms over his chest, "And why was Halstead here at 3 in the morning?"

"Not that it's any of your business," She snaps, putting her hands on her hips, " but we were watching a movie. He fell asleep on the couch."

Voight sets his jaw and looks between the two of them, nodding. "Well, looks like none of us are getting our day off. " He points to both of them, "You two are riding with me."

"What why?" Erin asks, exasperated.

"Because," Hank says harshly, "We have no idea if anyone has a tail on your cars, or hell, they could even be rigged with a device. No you both ride with me."

Erin lets out a heavy sigh, "Fine, just let me get dressed." She gestures toward her sweatpants. Voight gives her a nod and she saunters back to her bedroom.

"Meet me at my truck after she's done. Tell her to not worry about her damn makeup." Voight growls before walking out of the apartment.

Antonio wanders back toward Jay, "I thought you guys were watching the game."

Jay closes his eyes, "Antonio, I swear to God." He threatens, gritting his teeth. Antonio lets out a laugh and claps Jay on the shoulder.

"You ready?" Erin says from behind him. She had thrown her hair into a messy bun, pulled on a pair of jeans, and her converse sneakers. Jay wants to smile when he sees that she's still wearing his hoodie.

Jay sighs, "Ready as I'll ever be." He gestures for her to go first. "Let's do this."

* * *

"Back seat" Voight motions with a mouth full of bagel. Erin and Jay look at each other as Jay opens the door and holds it for her. As soon as Jay gets into the car, the scent of coffee overwhelms his senses and he is instantly envious, having only gotten a few hours of sleep, he could really use a cup of coffee right now.

"Really Hank , the back seat?" Erin complains.

"Yes, the back seat. It's harder for you to be shot through the windows in the back," He reaches next to him, "Plus the front seat is holding your Coffee and bagels." He says handing them a bag and a tray with two coffees. "Creamer and sugar is in the tray." He adds, before taking another bite of his bagel.

"Mmmm." Erin moans as she takes her first sip of coffee. "I needed this."

Jay takes a sip and closes his eyes, he really could have used more sleep, but for now this cup of coffee was his only option and would have to keep him awake.

Jay takes the bagel and hands one over to Erin, who smiles at him.

"So Halstead, anything you wanna tell me about this case?" Voight asks as he makes a hard left, making his way to the precinct. "I know you know a lot more than you are leading on." He says, his eyes staring at Jay through the rearview mirror.

Jay pauses mid bite, and it takes him a second before he can swallow his mouthful of bagel. Erin looks at him and gives his hand a squeeze.

"Uh my dad had a case where his badge number was written in the victim's blood. It went on for years before they finally found the guy and locked him up, and by then he had caused a lot of devastation."Jay swallows hard. "The lowlife is in Statesville, for life."

"So no idea who is copycatting?" Voight asks.

"No, no idea. We're having my dad's old files sent down Monday. "Jay says, downing more of his coffee.

"Why not asks your dad yourself?" Voight asks, as if it's the obvious answer.

"Hank…" Erin interrupts.

"No, it's fine." Jay lays his hand on Erin's arm giving it a squeeze. "My dad is too far in the bottle to care about paying for his bills, let alone the case that ruined his life."

Voight parks in front of the rear exit of the twenty first. He sighs and runs a hand over his face. "I guess Roman and Burgess are going on a car ride," He looks at his watch, "Lights and sirens they can probably be back here with them by 3. We can't wait on these files."

Jay nods his head, "Good Idea. I really need to dive into them and see if there are any similarities or if I remember anything."

"Alright you two listen to me." He says turning to face them. "You are not to leave the unit today. Not to go check your mail, not to chat with Platt. Nothing, understood?"

The partners both simultaneously shake their heads yes.

* * *

Later that afternoon, everyone has their head in their work, trying with all their might to find a lead, a witness, anything.

"DAMN IT!" Jay shouts and slams the phone onto its receiver.

Erin snaps up and sighs as she watches Jay run his hand over his face. She hates that it's tearing him up inside.

"Ruzek," Erin says, a little harsher than she meant to. "Any leads? Any Idea whose blood it was? Has anyone found a body yet?"

"No the labs running it through CODIS, it'll be at least another few hours before we get even a partial match."

"No bodies yet," Atwater says piping in. "but I can talk to a few of my C.I.'s and see if they've heard anything."

Erin nods, "Yeah, do that. The blood came from somewhere."

"We're back!" Kim says behind an armful of boxes. She sets them down on Ruzek's desk. "And we brought food." She says grabbing bags from on top of the box. Roman drops his boxes on the floor next to the desk and lets out a breath.

Erin and Jay are the first over to the boxes. Jay squats and finds the box he's looking for. He picks it up and carries it to his desk. Erin does the same with the next box, dropping it next to Jay's desk. She pulls her chair over from her desk and sit's it in front of his. Instead of sitting down Erin motions toward the rest of the group, who are grabbing food from the take out bags.

"You want food?" She asks him gently.

"Yeah, grab me something." He says before turning his attention back to the box of evidence in front of him. He lifted the files off the top to reveal the old bags of evidence. He wouldn't touch them unless he needed to, and right now, he didn't need to.

He opens the file and starts to flip through it. Erin drops two packages of tacos and a bottled water onto his desk.

Jay looks at the tacos and then looks up at her, "Where's the-"

"It's right here," She says, pulling packets of hot sauce out of her pocket.

He gives her a small smile and opens up his food, drizzling the hot sauce all over the tops of his tacos.

Erin lets out a laugh, "You want some tacos with your hot sauce?"

Jay squints at her, "I'll have you know that they are delicious." He mumbles with a mouth full of food.

"Halstead, Lindsay-," Voight's voice comes from behind them both jump and snap their heads around. "Can I see you in my office? It'll only be a minute."

They set down their food and Jay follows Erin into Voights office and closes the door behind them. Lindsay sits and Jay opts to stand against the door.

"What's up sarg?" Jay asks, curious as to why they had to talk in private, and a little nervous that he was about to get in major trouble for staying at Erin's last night.

"Ive been gone because I was setting up a safe house for both of you. Technically it's hotel room, but it's been booked under false names and there are officers their now and they will be standing at the door until we find this guy." He sets the keys down in front of them. "No one hears about this. No one. We aren't taking any chances, this guy has escalated way too fast."

"Understood sir." Jay says, nodding his head as he stuffs the key into his pocket. Erin does the same with hers.

"Get back to it, and let me know what you find in those files." Voight says, turning back to his computer.

* * *

"Okay so, the first victem was stabbed, the same as the first one of my fathers." Jay says, examining the photos.

"Yeah, 37 times." Erin says.

Jay checked the report on his father's old case, "It's the same."

"Okay," Erin lays out the photos from the second and third recent murders. The second was strangled with the badge number carved into her stomach. The third had their eyes pulled out before getting their neck snapped. "Do these line up with your fathers?"

Jay sorts through the files from the old cases. "Yeah they line up in order, the exact same way."

Erin holds his glance for a heartbeat. "Okay, what was the forth?"

She grabs the folder and pulls out the photo of the fourth, sighing sadly before laying it on the desk.

As soon as Jay sees the picture, a wave of nausea hits him and he drops the last of the taco he was eating onto his desk. He takes a moment to compose himself before dropping a folder on top of the picture.

He pulls out the picture from the fifth victim in his father's case. It mirrored the first victim in the case involving his father's badge number, and his own. "So did he must have repeated himself several times then?" Jay asks rhetorically.

Erin nods as she lays out the pictures to victims six and seven.

"So what's different about this guy? The current one." He asks, rubbing a hand over his neck.

"He's watching you, that's different and didn't seem to happen to your father. Do you remember anything like that?" She asks.

"No. Plus the blood on the door, which I'm assuming is from the next victim?" He scratches his head, literally. "But that breaks pattern, but we found nothing on the door to indicate a mistake. So the guy obviously has access to these files, because not all of this was made public. Law enforcement maybe?"

"Who also has a creepy, stalkery vibe to him." Erin adds.

"Do you remember any of your cases ever crossing over with someone who would have access to these files? Who would have been mad enough to do something as drastic as to recreate these for you?"

Jay groans, "Maybe a few? I'll have to go back through my old cases and reports."

"Guys-"Atwater says as he walks into the unit. Jay and Erin hop up from their seats. "We found a body. A Julie Marks."

"Sonofa-" Jay mutters, kicking his desk. "I knew her, she was one of my old CI's from my old unit. Runs a bar down on Wilkins. She was…a friend."

Erin's eyes connect with his as he makes his way around his desk. She rubs a hand down his back, trying to comfort him.

"Let's roll." Voight says. "You two, you stay by me the entire time. I want you stuck to my ass like flypaper."

They nod silently as they make their way out of the unit.

* * *

They roll up to a little beaten up house, apparently Julies. Jay wasn't sure; he never knew where she lived. He tries to prepare himself to see her body, presumably the same way as the fourth victim in his father's case.

Erin is in the door first and the rest of the teams follow. Jay hangs back, wanting to prolong the moment as long as he could.

The first thing Jay notices as he enters the house is the smell of death, hinting to him that the body has been here for at least a few days. He hears a symphony of 'Clear' sound from his colleagues as they clear the small house room by room. 'Body' he hears Ruzek yells, and the rest of the team rushes into the back room. Jay tries to follow but it's as if his feet are moving in slow motion.

"Jay you don't want to see this one." Erin plants a firm hand in the center of his chest, pushing him backward.

"Looks like a combination of all four of the murders." He hears Ruzek say from what seems to be miles away.

"Just let me-"He pushes past Erin and into the small bedroom.

As Jay takes in the scene it's like a blast to the gut. Stabbed, Strangled with his number carved into her, eyes pulled out, and hog-tied with her throat slit. A wave of nausea hits him immediately and he feels the warm bile rise in his throat. He throws a shaky hand over his mouth and quickly makes his way back out of the house. He stumbles down the front stairs and promptly empties the contents of his stomach into the dead bushes.

Back inside, everyone is standing there in shock by seeing Jay Halstead, weakened.

"What's wrong with him? Is he squeamish all of the sudden?" Ruzek asks insensitively.

Erin stands there with her eyes squeezed shut for a moment. "No," she says harshly, "This is the way his mother was murdered. Jay was ten, and he was the one who found her body."

She turns on her heal and swiftly makes her way to go check on her partner, ignoring the chorus of gasps behind her.

* * *

When she makes her way to Jay he is still heaving into the bushes. She quickly runs over to hanks SUV and grabs a water bottle out of the back seat and walks back over to her partner. She stands behind him, rubbing his back, offering what little support she can.

After he's done, he stays bent over trying to catch his breath for a moment. Erin hands him the water bottle and he rinses out the nasty taste from his mouth. He spits the water into the bushes, "Four in one." Jay says, a little breathlessly.

"What?" Erin asks gently.

"Four in one-"Jay repeats, standing up straight. "Four in one. "

His eyes burn into Erin's, whose mouth hangs open. She takes a sharp intake of breath, "He broke pattern."

Breaking pattern, for a serial killer, means a 75% chance of screwing up. When they get personal, they get sloppy, leaving behind clues. The kind of clues that Jay's father originally used to solve the case.

Jay nods. "He broke pattern. Again, and in a big way. He's getting messy, he's getting personal, and that may mean he messed up."

"Or that he will soon. It also means he needs more to get him off, more blood, and more violence." Erin adds solemnly.

"I can't…" Jay's voice breaks. "I can't let this take another person I care about. I won't. I won't let it happen."

Erin reaches her hand out to cup his cheek. She runs her thumb against his skin, wanting to soothe him. "Don't worry. We'll nail his ass before he gets the chance."

"He's doing this to hurt me, and if anything happens to you…" He lets out a shaky breath, not able to finish his sentence.

"We are all going to be okay," She says putting her other hand to his cheek to hold his face between her palms, hoping to reassure him. "I'm not going anywhere."

'_Every day the ghosts are coming for me__  
__Every way I'm overcoming__  
__To keep you alive__  
__To keep you alive'_

**A/N: Okay, so what do you think? This was the hardest out of the chapters so far, it's why it took me a while, because I couldn't get the right grip on it. Hopefully it was good enough and easy enough to follow? It's really hard to create your own case, especially when you have to tie storylines and the past into it. I hope it's not boring or too all over the place. Hopefully it all makes sense and works, PLEASE Favorite/Follow and review please, it's my crack. **


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